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My older brother was a smart guy. Brilliant, actually. He has two advanced degrees and speaks four languages. When he got two DUIs during college and then grad school, we were concerned but didn’t think alcohol and drugs would take over his entire life. That was ten years ago. Today, he cannot hold a job and literally cannot function without alcohol in his system. He went through detox last year and went into cardiac arrest. He has been in and out of rehab, and in and out of hospitals. Which is where he ended up late last night, beaten severely with a baseball bat. I could go on forever detailing the ways in which he has destroyed my family’s lives. But my question is this: is there ever a point at which you should wash your hands of a relative who doesn’t want to save himself?

Google the word Alcoholism and you will get 25,400,000 search results. Addiction of Alcohol and Symptoms of Anxiety Depression can reduce the toughest person to a babbling wreck. Anxiety of Alcoholic relapse is a real factor in your quest to remain sober. Stop anybody in the street and ask them what they associate with the word Alcoholism and the answers will more than likely include the replies, hitting rock bottom,detox, down and out, addiction, messed up life, homelessness, crime blah blah blah. Pay a little more attention and do your research and you can find out that when you drive at night one out of seven drivers on the road are legally drunk. The Medical Research Council states that alcohol abuse costs the South African economy around R9 billion a year and half of all murders are the result of drunkenness. The stats are never-ending and cover all aspects of South African society from child abuse to pedestrian deaths, home violence and the tragic cases of childbirth defects. Almost all events that you consider bad news probably have to a certain degree alcohol involved somewhere or other.

However on the inevitable other side of the coin, studies have found that the use of alcohol has significant advantages in the general treatment of stress, heart disease and related illnesses. Add to this the economic benefits of a massive industry contributing to the nations wealth and job creation and we almost have a stalemate.

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Let me briefly explain the situation.
My father has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. After a messy divorce from my mother, my father got his act together and sobered up for about 5 years. He was an active Alcoholics Anonymous member, and when he first started on his path to sobriety, went to a rehabilitation center for an extensive time period. Around two years ago, my father broke his sobriety and went on a painful drinking binge that last for weeks after the death of his AA sponsor. Instantly, his work, and family urged him into detox and he went back to the treatment center. However, around six months later, he began drinking again in private, unknown sprees on the weekends. I should explain that I do not live my father, so it makes it difficult for me to monitor his drinking. My brother has lived with my father since shortly after the divorce, however he normally does not tell us when our Dad has been drinking, quietly keeping to himself. Most recently, my father had a drinking stint last August, followed by one in October, then on Christmas. For literally a month, my father did nothing but drink. In February, my father renewed his commitment to “sobriety”, however that last only another month, and by mid-March he was drinking again. After that, his work put him on permanent “sick-leave”. His drinking was so severe that he was hospitalized then put into the mental intuition, where upon sobering, he vehemently protested that he did not belong in there. He was released and given a four month grace period where afterwards, at the end of the time period, his work wanted him to go back to a rehab center. The four month grace period is now up and my father is not going to rehab. He is drinking and has been drinking the whole time period in which his employer intended for him to get better. For the past two weeks, my father has been drunk. He sobers for perhaps a day, pays his bills, checks his mail, then goes back to getting drunk. When my father first began drinking again over two years ago, I was in tears. Now however, I am so numb to the fact that I can’t even bring myself to care. I sometimes think he would be better off dead, because at least then he wouldn’t be slowly killing himself with alcohol. My father has been drunk recently more than he has been sober, and I can’t remember the last time I actually talked to him. Sometimes I visit my brother (who is of legal age and old enough to look after himself), but it’s getting harder and harder to go over there. I don’t want to see my father like that. I feel as though I should be doing something, but there’s no point talking to a drunk-man. A family friend among other people (such as his current AA sponser, and his work) has been trying her hardest to help him, but after numerous attempts to have him re-hospitalized and taking his wallet and car keys (to prevent him from buying more alcohol, and driving drunk), he has threatened to call the police on her for theft of property. I think my father really does belong in a mental institution, because there’s no way a sane person would do this to themselves. I really want to have him locked away for an indescribable amount of time, because at least that way he wouldn’t be drinking. What do I do? He’s old enough to be making “decisions” for himself, but when all his decisions lead to his own personal destruction, I feel helpless…
I don’t want my father dead, but if he continues on drinking like this, I know he’s a dead man. Please, give me your advice. Nothing has seemed to work. We’ve hospitalized him, had him arrested for self-harm, and have been both supportive of him and isolative. None of these ideas work…what can I do? How can I save his life even though he clearly doesn’t want to be saved?
Desperate and jaded,
Ella

I’m in a hole,
I live with my boyfriend, a man that i love so much, much more than anything in this world. I’ve been with him for going on 3 years now, and i’m questioning myself whether i should leave him or not.
My boyfriend is an alcoholic. He’s been an alcoholic ever since i met him. In fact, when i met him i was a drinker as well, not an alcoholic, but drinking was pretty much my main focus. When i was a drinker i found it attractive about him too that he was as well, of course because at the time i didnt care about anything else.
When i moved in with him he was jobless as was i. I eventually got a job (and several other jobs afterwards) to support us because we were spending too much money on alcohol and cigarettes, and we needed to move out of his moms house. He’s complained and i’ve moved him twice, working jobs and supporting us, and him still as being an alcoholic trying to recover (he hasnt worked but for 1 week since 3 years).
If you can understand, my individual life got really frusterating and i’m no longer drinking. But my boyfriend still is. He has tried to quit, i’ve payed for him 3 times to go to detox, even to St Anthony’s hospital, but it hasnt worked for him. He truely does have a disease and he does want to quit. However….I just cant deal with his drunkeness anymore. I’ve tried to be hard, and give tough love and say “Look, get sober, try harder or else i’m outa here…” and we’ve gone over rules and what and what not to do about when he is drinking. But, these rules and agreements are always subsided if he has one drink too many.
I just cannot stand him anymore when he is drunk. I love him to death, if he werent my boyfriend he’d be my best friend just the same, and i’d love him still as a human being. But, when he’s drunk he’s always shitty and talks under his breath and i just cannot stand it. I cannot stand to see him like that anymore, when i do, everytime inside i just want to beat the shit out of him….I feel so full of rage, i feel like my life with this is litterally making me crazy, and it probably is. But, try to explain it to a drunk…..Even when he’s sober, it doesnt register well. I mean, I’ve worked for the past whole year sober waiting on HIS promise to get sober, i take care of everything! I do everything on my own, i’m tired of how he acts when he’s drunk, i’m tired of him not working and helping me out, i’m just straight up done with the alcoholism. I cannot take it anymore, i am so full of rage and hate inside now because of what this life like this has caused to me.
I dont believe that i can just straight up leave him because i’m not happy, or want a better life. Because this man, is the most beautiful human being i’ve ever met inside. Yes he has a huge problem with alcohol, but he’s so special. I pray to God for him every night, and i just feel like…like i’ve felt for the past 2 years…that if i were to leave it’s wrong, because i love him and he deserves help in this. I dont want him to become a totally misserable human being like i am becoming. I want him to have a LIFE, and enjoy it. I dont want him to die because of this wasting his life away. As nobody with alcoholism deserves, yes they got themselves into it, but it is harder than any drug to kick. I know personally, i’ve drank, and my father is an alcoholic.
So you see, i’m challanged. I feel so terrible because i cant help but get so enraged when he’s drunk. I’m so tired of my life i’m sure i’m probably nuts by now, i’m sure i probably need some medication…but still. I’m so torn up inside, i’ll litterally go into my bedroom and break things, and throw things, yell and scream…if you can imagine how bad you have to feel inside to be able to behave that way, and not even able to control it. The huge fights and problems we have, i know that they stem from the alcohol ( i know it’s all different in the morning, sometimes) but it’s not what goes on that pisses me off anymore, it’s the fac that alcohol is involved in it STILL.
Any of you out there, who have either been an alcohlic, drinker, or family or friend of an alcoholic…please give me some advice. And dont tell me to be going to ALANON meetings because i dont even have the gas money to get there. I need some other kind of help….preferably from people with experience please.

I sure do appreciate you reading all of that.

My hub recently reunited with an Aunt that he has not seen in over six years. She was diagnosed with cancer. However, the last three weeks she has been having strange behavior. We found out that she is an alcoholic. She was sober for about three years and three weeks ago started drinking because she found out she had cancer. These last two weeks have been hell. She has been at our doorstep almost every night drunk. Once we called the paramedics because she looked like she was having a seizure. Another day we called the police to do a welfare check because she was not answering her phone or door. Yesterday, we called a crisis intervention team to come because she was suicidal. They took her in to a psych hospital. She was under suicide watch and detox. Today she called and told us that she would love to be with family for the holidays. My hub said yes. He said that she can come with us to my sister’s house on Christmas Eve and Hang out with us on Christmas day. So, on Christmas, we have to drive 45 minutes to my relatives and then stay for 2 hours, then come home to be with his Aunt. At first we felt bad because of her cancer and told her we would help her. But, we did not know she was an alcoholic. When she drinks she becomes a different person, Almost seems like she has multiple personalities. She gets a blank stare and kinda freaks me out. We also have her dog and have been caring for it. Forgot to mention that she ironically lives directly across the street from us. We moved to our new home and coincidentally found she lived near us. That is how my hub and her reunited. Christmas is a day of coming together, helping others and giving your heart. But, I feel like running from all this and just taking my kids with me to be with my family. Forgot to mention , I have two boys. I do not know if she is going to be weird on those days, anxiety is building up. I am also getting pissed off at my hub. I feel bad for her, but I feel like I am drowning. I also feel like she is manipulating my hub. Me to at times, especially with guilt. Am I being selfish ad mean to feel this way? Is she too needy? Should I be supportive of her cancer and help her with her alcohol problem. To be honest I wanted to be supportive, but all I want to do is hide or move to another city now.

My uncle recently was admitted to a hospital because he hit rock bottom. He has been an alcoholic since a teenager and it finally took a turn for the worst. Last week he couldn’t drink due to some medication he had to be taking, and the 3 days without any alcohol seemed to mess with his mind. He started hallucinating and was not able to be alone. His health has been in constant deterioration for the past few years and now family is kinda of at a stand still. He was admitted to the local hospital to help him through the initial detox and now it’s been 3 days and we are looking to find the next step. My uncle doesn’t have any health insurance and has yet to “snap out of it” for lack of a better word. He is still in the hospital for health reasons, but will probably be released within the next few days and we need some directions for the next step. Obviously he needs treatment but we just need to know where to look and find somewhere that will treat him without insurance.
Thanks!

I am trying to give up alcohol after many years of heavy drinking. I keep experiencing severe withdrawal symptoms. Inpatient or rehab is out of the question for a variety of reasons-its simply not possible, I have tried. How can I safely detox myself at home? I know flushing my system with lots of water, meditation, etc. but I need something more. Please do NOT answer this unless you know what you are talking about. Telling me to go to AA and simply not to drink is now what I am after. Only an alcoholic who has been there will understand. Thanks for any input

I’m monitoring my mother while she detoxes alcohol from her system. She is an alcoholic who drinks toxic amounts. I flew in last night. It’s 9:15 am here. Her last drink must have been sometime shortly before 8pm last night. She is very hypersensitive to sound right now and has what seems like repeated panic attacks. I’m 18, all alone, and I don’t know what to do for her.

The classical use of medications for alcoholism is to encourage abstinence. Antabuse (also known as disulfiram), for instance, prevents the elimination of chemicals which cause severe discomfort when alcohol is ingested, effectively preventing the alcoholic from drinking in significant amounts while they take the medicine. Heavy drinking while on antabuse can result in severe illness and death.

Naltrexone has also been used because it helps curb cravings for alcohol while the person is on it. Both of these, however, have been demonstrated to cause a rebound effect when the user stops taking them. These do allow a person to overcome psychological addictions to alcohol, but they do not treat the neurochemical addiction.

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