My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly 6 months.I am 23, he is 24. We met in college and graduated together. We moved to the same city to pursue similar careers. Both of us have found an amazing connection to eachother, we are rational, logical individuals and enjoy the same things, we get involved in the same activities and have similar thoughts on subjects. We both agreed we had found something in eachothers company that has been missing from the company we had held before, we have similr backgrounds, both of us have had troubled use in drugs and alcohol and family issues..
We moved in together out of convenience for a month while he waited maintenence work to be done on his new house and somethings came to light for me. First off, his moods became very bipolar, he was chatty and extroverted and generally blissful one hour and the next, he’d remove himself to his room and just stare into space and/or nod off. I noticed the nodding off quite alot as I use to do that when I was hooked on heroin, codeine and benzodiazapeines a few years ago (i’m 100% clean now), so, the nodding off became more frequent, as did these mood shifts, he would speak of going on day trips together, walking our dog together, doing some activities, like riding our bikes etc etc, but these activities rarely came to fruition as he would just retire to his chair in the corner and nod off.
Then something quite odd I started to notice, though the temperature started to rise as the Summer hit full force in the town, he would only wear long sleeves, now hes not the kind of guy to own an abundance of clothes, so he would wear the same shirts (long sleeves) day in and day out in rotation, all through this stifling summer heat, and he cycles to work alot, so when he gets home, he is DRENCHED in sweat and exhausted. I made some short comments on why he did this and got some response along the lines of it’s comfortable in the office or whatever, then, as of late, he turns off the light before he goes to bed and only then will he take off his top, even during sex, I cant get a good view of his arms….so. My rational deduction to this was, he is shooting up heroin and hiding the track marks.
Now, from being a user previously, I know for a fact, track marks should not be extremely visible if a) you use a clean needle every time b) you use fine needles c) you inject to a different deposit place each time, a millimetre makes all the difference d) you dont miss a vein. e) you moisturise and take care of the injection site
So, I have been deliberating on just straight up asking him has been using, then, when I went through to take his laundry out on my day off from work, I found his heroin kit, one needle, spoon, lighter, cotton swabs and the powder. I need to tell him I know, because if he needs help, he needs to know I will help him. Then again, if he does not want help, and wishes to continue using, yes, I will stay with him, but we will talk freely about his dosage and when it does become a problem, I will be there for him.
I have done my research on other girlfriends having this issue and the only answers I get back are “omg, dump that junkie trash girl” or ” thats so disgusting, hell always be a junkie and is going to steal all your things and sell them on the street” blah blah blah, sorry, but my boyfriend is a strong and independant individual and would never steal from me, because he knows I would make his life a living hell if he hurt me in any way (probably why he has kept this from me) So If anyone could give me a good way to verbalise my knowledge of his use in a way that doesnt sound like I am scolding him or trying to control his use then It would be much appreciated.
NOTE: I want to let him now, I will not put him into NA or support groups or detox centres or methadone treatment, from having drug and alcohol issues in the past, these are the single things I found contributed to a relapse as soon as I left.
As a good human being I do not see the point in dumping him and causing him to suffer depression and loss of a supportive person in his life therefore causing the downward spiral of further use and addiction. I hope this makes sense to some people out there that I only wish to be a supportive person to him, whether or not our relationship lasts, Im looking beyond the fact we are dating and looking to the fact that we are both human beings and one cares deeply about the other enough to help them in a time of need.
Thanking you in advance.
L
