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The Easy Way to Stop Drinking

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I don’t know where to start. In 2002 I think I was 13 or something my father died of lymphnoid cancer but had a heart attack and I found him. Before he got cancer I wished death on him and I don’t know why! He was so nice but he got on my nerves but why would I wish death on him?? He was a meth addict, alcoholic, pothead, etc. I think he doing meth when he had cancer my niece would do meth with him her dads friend gave him pills when he had cancer. I didn’t go to his funeral and I remember crying the night he died I’m 21 now and just had a dream about him and woke up crying. I also have OCD and maybe Bi-Polar and a alcoholic. I am at a loss I feel like killing myself so bad its sick I feel like hell I don’t know what to do anymore I can’t understand if I should go to rehab (already been to detox 4 times) my brother and his friend tends to think im doing it for attention or ima hypocondriac its like um I am shaking really bad I hate to go to detox but I’m afraid I’ll have a withdrawal seizure (never had one) my mind is fried out I never been sober I kept covering up my feelings should I see a therapist will it help with the grief of my father I think therapy might help me stop drinking?? I can’t go to rehab I got driving lessons and I need a job I am overwhelemed and extremely lonely I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday in a letter I wrote him in detox because I don’t wanna be around drugs and alcohol and we have nothing in common we don’t talk or go anywhere what the hell is wrong with me I don’t know what else to add
I post this on here cuz I don’t have no one to turn to my brother is mean and tells me to get over it hes in to astrology and wicca my mom is depressed and I don’t really have a bond with him I am very very lonely and its very hard for me to connect with people my whole life what should I do!?

I went to the docs becuase I go out at weekends and was drinking a lot (70 units a week approx). He said my gamma GT level was high (55) and that I should not drink for 3 months. Ive done a month without a drink and was wondering if when I go on holiday next week and have a couple at night (and i mean a couple) will this effect my detox and put me back at square one or will it be ok?

And by the way is a level of 55 bad?

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Hi.., I’ve been aware that I’m an alcoholic for years now.., I had a DUI about 5 years ago and ended up having to go to Diversion…, I passed through the diversion honestly basically by drinking a ton of water and not getting drunk for a couple days before the UA but after the meetings I’d head out to my car and go home to a 30 pack and a fifth or half gallon of rum or something…., it’s been like 2 years since I’ve gone even 5 days without drinking and I can’t remember how long since I even went 3 whole days without…., when I did stop drinking for 6 days I took paxil during that time to try and calm me down but I don’t like paxil because it seems to just make me totally numb and it’s a bitch to come down off of when you stop taking it…, anyways I haven’t been to any AA meetings or anything because actually I have severe anxiety…, I am not on medication but I want to get on meds however I’m unemployed and I don’t have any health insurance…, I have Tourettes Syndrome, OCD, ADHD, and Social Anxiety Disorder and I’ve basically been self medicating with alcohol but I know Alcohol just makes things worse.., it’s a vicious cycle.., I feel freaked out and depressed about a lot of things…, I end up hating myself for drinking but that just ends up making me want to go drink more to forget how much I hate myself for drinking…., I think if I could find a steady job that pays anywhere near enough to even live on then I think I could at least cut way back on drinking but I don’t know… I gotta stop…, it’s killing me…, I mean I’ve been drinking for about 8 years now.., and it’s ruined my life and my reputation…, I’ve made tons of enemies…, and besides that I actually had an accident a couple years ago where I shot myself in the foot with a 44 magnum…, that’s healed up but that happened because I was drunk and I told myself and the doctors that I was never gonna drink again…, but as soon as I could bare the pain to hop to the refrigerator on crutches I was I reaching for what was left of a six pack in the fridge…, I watched a girl I know almost die and she is dying all because of drinking .., she’s got cirrhosis of the liver…, and well…, My liver lets me know it’s in there…, i can feel it.. , I’ve got no insurance and no money but I need to get on medication and I could probably use detox and rehab…, I’m not sure what to do…
If I could just make myself remember the way I feel the day after I do something stupid on alcohol , remember how horrible I felt and how embarrassed and ashamed and how I almost get myself killed or remember how much I freaked out…, if all that guilt and freaking out and anger towards myself could just come rushing back whenever I even think about buying a beer then it’d probably help with stopping..

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